Joke..

najanaja · Chocolate-operated All-Around Yaya

of a peanut-ty joke..

mikel11 · WRC Rallye Power House Driver

corny Joke..

bugoytheman · Pseudo Ponderer

RE: Joke..

bugoytheman · Pseudo Ponderer

What word can you make when a very skinny person is slapped?

SLAPSTICK.

("magtanim ng mais, mag-aani ng mais" [corny kasi eh].)

Kumoshirokun · Senior

Teacher: ok Juan...1+29???

Juan: 30 maam!!!

Teacher: Very Good!!! Pedro...29+1???

Pedro: Tae naman oh!!!!

Ung mahirap sakin pa talaga tinanong!!!!!!

FAVORITISM!!!!!

Kumoshirokun · Senior

Mother: ayan binilhan ko na ng laruan ang anak mo!!!

Father: Baril-barilan?

Mother: Hinde...manika!!!

Father: Anak ng....BADING??!!!

Mother: anong BADING!!!!!

AYUN NAKAPATONG SA MANIKA!!!!

Kumoshirokun · Senior

Tatay: Nakakahiya!!!!

Anak: Bakit naman Tay??

Tatay: Sabi kasi sa invitation card "Black tie only".

Pagdating ko dun me polo at pantalon sila.

NAKAKAHIYA!!!

chechi · Senior

boy: Nay, muntik lang ako maging top 1 sa class!

Inay: Paano mo naman nalaman?

boy: Pag-announce kanina ng top 1 sa klase, ang tinuro ni ma'am....

yun katabi ko!!! Muntik lang ako!!!

bugoytheman · Pseudo Ponderer

This conversation really happened between my two friends.

Friend1: Oh, brod kamusta?

Friend2: Mabuti. Saan ka pupunta?

Friend1: Sa pagawaan ng motor. Mag-papapalit ako ng CHANGE OIL!

-- Edited by bugoytheman at 14:22, 2006-04-22

g3n3s1s · Junior

The More Intelligent Candidate
This incident supposedly happened before the "ERAP PRESIDENCY".
The most intelligent the "presidentiable"(Pinoy term for presidential candidates),
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to
a televised debate.
To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question
which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam
a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.
Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?
" Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and
hands it to Miriam.
Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs,
and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references.
She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net.
Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends.
All to no avail.
After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.
Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....

g3n3s1s · Junior

Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko!

Misis: Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa buhay, lahat ng
problema mo problema ko... ano problema natin?

Mister: nabuntis natin si Inday, tayo ang ama!

g3n3s1s · Junior

Madre: Father, tell your seminarian not to urinate along the fence...

Father: Sister naman, maliit na bagay lang papansinin mo pa...

Madre: No Malalaki, Father.. Malalaki!!!

g3n3s1s · Junior

Bata : Takot ako bunot ipin!

Doktor: Wag ka takot bigyan kita gamot, pangpatapang!

(pagkainom ng gamot..)

Doktor: O tapang ka na?

Bata: Sige galawin mo ipin ko! babasagin ko bungo mo!!!

Lyndon · Beerkada Creator

There were two business partners. One of them kept saying, 'there are no problems, only opportunities.'

One day, they were staying in a hotel room for business. The first businessman rushed towards the second businessman.

"We have a problem."

The second businessman cheerfully replied, "There are no problems. Only opportunities."

The first businessman retorted, "Whatever. There's a naked woman in our room."

Lyndon · Beerkada Creator

WHAT IS brown and sticky?

A stick.

bugoytheman · Pseudo Ponderer

What do you call a versatile, fat person?

WELL ROUNDED PERSON

g3n3s1s · Junior

Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!

Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?

Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!

g3n3s1s · Junior

KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw....

"Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, 'yung katiwala niyo sa
bahay-bakasyunan niyo."

"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ano't napatawag ka? May problema ba?

"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga
niyong parrot."

"'Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? 'Yung nanalo sa bird show?

"Opo, Master Carlos, 'yun na nga po."

"Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong 'yon. Hay,
buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"

"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."

"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng
bulok na karne?"

"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."

"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"

"E, 'yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat
sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."

"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"

"'Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."

"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?"

"'Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po 'yung isang
nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab 'yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat
ang apoy...."

"Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para
saan 'yung kandila?"

"Para sa burol po."

"Ano? Kaninong burol?

"Sa nanay n'yo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nu'ng isang gabi,
walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw.
Binaril ko."

g3n3s1s · Junior

couple talking:

Wife: Hon, paki-ayos naman yung ilaw sa labas..

Husband: HELLO!!! electrician ba ako?!?

Wife: O sige, paki-gawa na lang yung hagdan natin, sira kasi eh..

Husband: HELLO!!! karpintero ba ako?!?

Umalis na ng bahay si Husband.

Pagbalik nya, ayos na lahat ng sira sa bahay..

Tinanong nya ang wife nya.

Husband: SInong gumawa ng mga sira?

Wife: Kasi kanina nung iniwan mo ako, lumabas ako ng bahay.Tapos umiyak ako. Nakita ako ng isang lalaki, sinabi ko yung problema ko sa bahay. Then he offer me na sex daw or bake ng cake kapalit ng pag-aayos nya ng mga sira sa bahay.

Husband: so, ipinag-baked mo sya ng cake?

Wife: HELLO!!! Baker ba ako?!?

g3n3s1s · Junior

This man and this woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?"

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?"

The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

g3n3s1s · Junior

A blonde walks up to a vending machine and puts in some coins. Sure enough, out pops a can of soda. The blonde is amazed, and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the vending machine full of more coins, and the machine keeps spitting out more cans of soda.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her, "Do you mind if I have a go?"

The blonde turns and shouts, "Heck no, can't you see I'm on a winning streak!"

g3n3s1s · Junior

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako.
Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti
pang patayin mo na lang
ako."

-electric fan

------------------------

"Hindi lahat ng walang
salawal ay bastos"

-winnie d' pooh

------------------------

"Alam mo ba wala akong
ibang hinangad kundi ang
mapalapit sa'yo.
Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"

-ipis

------------------------

"Hala! Sige magpakasasa
ka! Alam ko namang katawan
ko lang ang habol mo."

-hipon

------------------------

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal
ako lagi na lang maraming
tao ang nagagalit! Wala
ba akong karapatang
magmahal?!?"

-gasolina

------------------------

"Hindi lahat ng green
ay masustansya."

-plema

------------------------

"Hindi ko hinahangad na
ipagmalaki mo na ako'y
sau. Ayoko ko lang naman
na sa harap ng maraming
tao ganun mo na lang ako
itanggi.."

-utot

------------------------

"Sawang sawa na ako
palagi nalang akong
pinagpapasa-pasahan,
pagod na pagod na ako."

-bola

------------------------

"You never know what you
have till you lose it.
And once you lose it, you
can never get it back"

-snatcher

------------------------

"Ginawa ko naman lahat
para sumaya ka. Mahirap ba
talagang makontento sa isa?
Bakit palipat-lipat ka?"

-TV

------------------------

"Hindi lahat ng maasim
may vitamin c"

-kili kili

------------------------

"Sige, batihin mo ako....
Sigeee.....
BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

- egg omelette

------------------------

Pilitin mo man na alisin
ako sa buhay mo, babalik
at babalik ako!

-libag

------------------------

"Wag mo na akong bilugin.."

-kulangot

------------------------

"Hindi lahat ng dugo
pwedeng idonate"

-regla

------------------------

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung
hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"

-lego

sanggre_felicia · Chomplet-in-Training

noodle!noodle!noodle!

-manny pacquiao sa deal or no deal

g3n3s1s · Junior

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.
"Let me show you," says the captain.

He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.

"This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."

The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.

"Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!"

"Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."

"Why not Thursday?"

"That's your day in the barrel."

g3n3s1s · Junior

An engineer, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told him, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven".

The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want
to hang out with God." St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. He then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have
some major design flaws in your invention.
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And
finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the
engineer, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours

sanggre_felicia · Chomplet-in-Training

Melanie Marquez was walking along one day, when all of a sudden someone shouted at her, " HEY, BITCH!!!"

turning around sharply, she turned around and went straight to the person who called her. jabbing his chest with her finger, she gave him the evil eye and said,

"Never, ever, call me Hey!"

g3n3s1s · Junior

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
Biker: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Biker: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.

Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
Biker: No problem.
The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

g3n3s1s · Junior

Lola1: Grabe na pagkamalilimutin ko.
Pag nasa hagdan na ako, nakalimutan ko na kung aakyat o bababa ako.

Lola2: Ako din.. pag upo sa kama, hindi ko maalala kung hihiga o babangon ako.

Lola3: Naku mabuti na lang hindi pa ko ganyan.
Huwag naman sana mangyari sa akin yan ( knock on wood 3x ).
Ay excuse! parang may kumakatok. silipin ko lang ha..

-- Edited by g3n3s1s at 00:18, 2008-11-21

g3n3s1s · Junior

sa isang jeep..

Pasahero: Manong, hindi pa ba tayo aalis?

Driver: maya-maya pa. wala pang laman..

Pasahero: ano pong tawag nyo sa akin? sabaw?!

g3n3s1s · Junior

Kapag tinanong ka ng mga magulang mo kung
anong napapala mo sa kakainom......

Tanungin mo rin sila kung anong napapala nila sa kasesermon...