Wit of the Filipino
By Nury Vittachi
From The Far Eastern Economic Review

THERES A SIGN ON Congressional Avenue in Manila that
says: Parking for Costumers Only. This may be a
misspelling of customer. But the Philippine capital is so
full of theatrical, brightly dressed individuals that I prefer
to think it may actually mean what it says. This week,
well take a reading tour of one of the most spirited
communities in Asia. The Philippines is full of wordplay.
The local accent, in which F and P are fairly
interchangeable, is often used very cleverly, such as at the
flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.

Much of the wordplay in the Philippines is deliberate, with
retailers favouring witty names, often based on Western
celebrities and movies. Reader Elgar Esteban found a
bread shop called Anita Bakery, a 24-hour restaurant
called Doris Day and Night, a garment shop called
Elizabeth Tailoring and a hairdresser called Felix The Cut.

Smart travellers can decipher initially baffling signs by
simply trying out a Taglish (Tagalog-English) accent, such
as that used on a sign at a restaurant in Cebu: We Hab
Sop-Drink In Can An In Batol. A sewing accessories shop
called Beads And Pieces also makes use of the local
accent.

Of course, there are also many signs with oddly chosen
words, but they are usually so entertaining that it would
be a tragedy to correct them. A reader named Antonio
Tonyboy Ramon T. Ongsiako (now theres a truly Filipino
name) found the following: In a restaurant in Baguio:
Wanted: Boy Waitress; on a highway in Pampanga: We
Make Modern Antique Furniture; on the window of a
photography shop in Cabanatuan: We Shoot You While
You Wait; on the glass wall of an eatery in Panay Avenue
in Manila: Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier.

Some of the notices one sees are thought-provoking. A
shoe store in Pangasinan has a sign saying: We Sell
Imported Robber Shoes. Could these be the sneakiest
sort of sneakers? On a house in Jaro, Iloilo, one finds a
sign saying: House For Rent, Fully Furnaced. Tonyboy
commented, Boy, it must be hot in there.

Occasionally, the signs are quite poignant. Reader Gunilla
Edlund saw one at a ferry pier outside Davao, southern
Philippines, which said: Adults:1USD; Child: 50 cents;
Cadavers: subject to negotiation. But most are purely
witty, and display a love of Americana. Reader Robert
Harland spotted a bakery named Bread Pitt, a Makati fast-
food place selling maruya (banana fritters) called Maruya
Carey, a water-engineering firm called Christopher
Plumbing, a boutique called The Way We Wear, a video
rental shop called Leon King Video Rental, a restaurant in
the Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken,
a local burger restaurant called Mang Donalds, a doughnut
shop called MacDonuts, a shop selling lumpia (meat
parcels) in Makati called Wrap and Roll, and two butchers
called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

Tourists from Europe may be intrigued to discover shops
called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia. Both sell a type of
Chinese pastry called hopia. Whats the story? The names
are explained thus: Holland Hopia is the domain of a man
named Ho and Poland Hopia is run by a man named Po.

People in the Philippines also redesign English to be more
efficient...